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Annie
All in the Family
Rowdy Roo Baby Zoey

Annie

Australian Shepherd
Female
No

This is in memorial of the love of my life, Annie. She was a gorgeous red-tri Australian Shepherd. We spent 13 wonderful years together. My heart will never be the same without her in my life. We had such a bond. In all those years, I can count on one hand, the times we were apart. I will forever be blessed and changed by her. Dogs are on a different level than any of us. Their gift of persception and loyalty, we can only hope to share. Hugs and kisses Miss Anner Danner. I know you're waiting for me with a very loud squeaky ball and healthy legs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OUR LOVE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * They love unconditionally * They forgive without even knowing there is such a thing - and they do it over and over again * They honor their master with respect, love and complete, unending, unchanging devotion. * Their faith in us is unwavering, pure and unquestionable * They do not waste time worrying about tomorrow but live for now, in the moment * They have no regrets because they are pure. Any negative behavior is due to a stupid human, not the fault of the dog. * They have no judgement of us, only love. * They never give up on us....NEVER. UNWAVERING DEVOTION....that is the mystery and beauty of our dogs, that is why we so love them. Each and every human we meet will at some time disappoint us. But our dogs? We dog lovers know better. We are in tune to that realization and value it for what it is. We love every dog we meet once we do. So tell me...how can they NOT be in Heaven?? I have read the web postings of the logi-philes who say it is impossible for every pet to be in Heaven just because of the sheer numbers of animals that would be. How then can heaven hold every person? I will not even debate it. They are there. I don't think that our loving Lord would give us such a pure wonderful love here on Earth only to take it away from us in Heaven where we are supposed to be in eternal peace. I turn off the light on my vanity, turn around to bend down and hold her face in my hands to give her our nightly kiss and she's not there. Oh God my chocolate nosey is gone, the little brown spots are never to be seen again...the tiny hairs on them. I should've looked at them even more, even closer. I stir in the night and hear silence where I should hear her loud snore or the yips of a dream she is in....is she chasing bunnies? Maybe the squirrel that taunts her in the backyard? I hear her paws scratch the carpet, running to get them. I roll over and close my eyes remembering that she is gone and I cry myself back to sleep, the silence is my enemy now. It is dark, everyone is asleep and I am alone in my sorrow. I turn on the lamp in the morning and the click of the switch gets no response, no whine in anticipation of seeing me. I get home from work, go to change clothes and see her empty bed at the foot of mine with her form still imprinted on it. I cannot move that bed! The pee stain shows where there was once life. I slither down the wall, sit on the floor, Kleenex box still there from two nights ago, and stare at the bed and wish to God she was on it again. But then I remember how it hurt her to even stand up, to drag herself to the cool floor of the bathroom. Then how she gave up trying to stand, trying to move anywhere at all. How I had to waken at 3 AM to carry her to the cool bathroom floor so she could finally get comfortable and sleep. I feel sick, guilty, angry, sad and question if I did the right thing. Then I remember how she loved to be active, loved to run with me and catch a ball, loved to go for rides, to find the M&Ms I'd hide in the dirty clothes during my bath. I had to give her a fun activity, right? How could I expect her to just lay by the tub while I enjoyed myself? I'd get all of the dirty laundry out of the bathroom hamper, spread it onto the floor, hide a handful of M&Ms in around and under it and then open the door and say "Find it Annie!" She'd go nuts and I'd be in awe of her skills. Even putting a few in the pockets of my trousers didn't stop her from sniffing them out. My mind comes back to now and I then reassure myself that I did indeed do the right thing for my best bud, my little love, my little brown one, "Annie Annie with the big brown fannie". I remember all too clearly, the ashamed look on her face and her ears laying down when she became incontinent and had an accident on the floor before I could lift her outside to relieve herself. She lived to please me and only me. It killed her to do something I had trained her not to do. She had always been an independent and proud sort of rebel. To see her in helpless humiliation was more than I could stand. I have seen that same look on the faces of elderly people in a nursing home asking for help to go to the bathroom. I finally am cried out. I sit to watch TV, trying to find interest in the program that is on, hoping it will somehow relieve my mind but I subconsciously reach down to rub a soft back that is not there and will never be there again. I cannot sit, being still hurts too much. I get up to go out to the koi pond but stop at her grave and just sit remembering the exact place her face is, how her legs are turned, what her face looked like when I put the first handful of dirt on her. How I wanted to touch all of the dirt myself so that I would somehow be touching her forever. Picturing her in the grave has become a ritual, what will happen if I ever start to forget just how her legs are arranged in the grave? I will forever know right where her sweet little head is because there is an angel above it looking out over the yard like she did. I placed it in the precise spot above her head. I go back in and later I get a plate of food and sit down again only to notice that there is no little face burrowing into my leg begging for a bite, no scratch mark where she pawed me for one more bite, no wet nose to tickle me. I lose my appetite, lose interest in the TV, stare across the room to the spot on the hardwood floor where her blanket was and where she spent her last month while I was at work. In the evenings, she was next to me on the floor or at my feet if I was on the couch. Sunday evenings were spent with a bowl of popcorn, just us two, lying on the bed, watching the Sunday evening lineup of "girlie shows". I look over at my husband and see that he too feels the loss. His baby girl is gone and the silence is overbearing. He confesses his love for her and the emptiness it has left in our home. He understands that it was different with she and I and gets down in the floor with our son to play a board game while I melt and the tears come again. I clench my hand into the soft leather of the couch giving my hand something to do. It wants to reach down and feel her warm soft fuzzy fur. It wants to link me to instant comfort and a secret indulgence that was my relationship with my Annie but it can't. It keeps betraying me. My eyes do not. Annie was my link to independence, I enjoyed three years with her before marriage, five years with her before my son came along. She needed me and I needed her more. She kept me so busy. My whole world revolved around her and I loved it. She will never know just how much I depended on her. Never. Now no one really needs me. Sure I think about my son and my husband and I know they love me but Annie was constantly in my mind. Now I feel empty. They after all, will eat when they get hungry; will get a drink when thirsty. I feel crazy for feeling these things but I can't help it. I go to get gas and I see a young dog thru an open car window. She is small, pure white, beautiful, panting happily with a huge smile. I go in to pay for gas and come out and notice a woman talking to the owner and petting the little dog. The cute girl is a Maltese. We discuss the pure white hair, no brown rusty stains on her eyes or mouth. Her burly owner tells us they keep her trimmed and feed her Little Cesar. The long-haired man has stacked a pillow under her bed so she will be tall enough to look out the window and the rim of the bed will prevent her from falling. I am touched by this rough looking man's relationship with this tiny 3 year old girl. I smile inside and out, my heart beams thinking about him trimming her hair just right and cleaning her face. I picture a very fancy girlie glass dish for her food and notice that he left the wife at home. I remember all of the times my husband would also take Annie along just because. In a matter of seconds, I go back to the first time we noticed that Annie knew when he was going to take her without him saying a thing...she just KNEW! I tell them about my Annie, taken just last Wednesday. They both tell me of their "special" dogs. The man couldn't look at a picture of his German shepherd without crying for about a year. The woman gives me a big hug and I reach down and feel the little white curls and envy the smile of a dog in a car, pure enjoyment getting to go for a ride. Its then that I realize that I am not crazy at all but have a special kinship with fellow dog people. We are truly in a world of our own. I tell myself that life goes on and I pray that mine will. I pray for healing, pray for happy memories to comfort my broken heart, pray that I will stop feeling the ache in the pit of my soul but I still cannot move that bed....... G

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Comments (6)
Jul 11, 2009 Heather
I'm so sorry about your Annie. I understand that special bond that sometimes only comes once in a lifetime. I'm glad to see you have a Rowdy now & he will be a loving friend to you. Hugs & snuggles form Max & Riley & Oscar to you & Rowdy & Miss Annie.
Jul 11, 2009 weaverpup
what wonderful pictures and what a wonderful, adorable dog. i feel totally the same way about losing my dog, and that was many years ago. but i'm so glad that you've also been able to open up your heart again for your new pup, who also looks like a great pup.
Jul 11, 2009 rcmcritters
im so sorry for ur loss. ive had 3 old austaiian shepherds in the past as well, they r wonderful dogs and can tell that annie was a sweety!
Jul 11, 2009 DogLuva595
I'm so sorry for your loss. Annie seemed so sweet and caring. It is just the most horrible feeling and though for a beloved dog to pass away. Again, i'm so sorry about Annie. :(
Jul 11, 2009 wolfgirl66
Sorry! Lovely Annie will always be remembered in your thoughts and in your hearts!!!!!!! I hope that your happy memories bring you comfort!!! Forever Friends are FOREVER and love never dies!!!!
Jul 13, 2009 !!Shy'zMomm!!
Im so sorry. Annie was like...so gorgeous!! All yur dogs are very beautiful :)
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