Moving and need advice

[ashly89]

I have posted a different post here about a week ago. But to re-cap it - I am living in SC but I am moving back home to NJ permanently in a couple of months. I will be staying with my mother, step-father and 2 brothers. I have a dog, German Shepherd, named Jayden. We are really close. I've had her from a puppy. She will be 1 tomorrow! She is spayed and I trained her really well. She truly is a good dog. My mom has 2 dogs of her own. Both are male. A 13 year old Black Lab and an 8 year old Golden Retriever. Both dogs are sick... And are on medications. I want to take my dog Jayden with me. I do not want to leave her behind with my ex. I have tried to talk to my mom about letting me bring her, but she won't listen or hear WHY I want to bring my dog. She keeps interrupting me and saying "No! It's out of the question. If you're coming home then you;re coming home alone. No more animals in the house." I think she is saying this cause I know she hates dog hair all over the place and to clean up all the time. My mom also works full time, cooks, cleans and takes care of the family. I just want her to listen and at least hear me out about me taking my Jayden with me when I move back in with her. I would like to take her because it would make things a lot easier for me when I have to move back. It would help motivate me more with looking for a job when I get up there and Jayden is also my jogging partner. We jog together about a mile every other day. She truly is my best friend. How can I get my mom to hear me and listen to me. How can I let her know that I WILL be taking care of her. That my mom will have to do NOTHING at all. I have some money saved up so we should be good for a couple of months with dog food and such, until I get a job. I just want her to listen and hear me out. I have written her a letter, kind of like a contract, sort to speak, explaining why I want Jayden with me and things I will do to help her out so she's not so stressed. Anyone have any advice I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

[kian]

Ashley I know you want the magical words to sway your mom, I wish I had them. This is your moms house, her rules, her life and while you have been gone, she has learned life without you around. She has a routine in which you about to disrupt. I speak as a mom and grandma and while I love my kids and grandkids to come visit, moving in would be another issue. It's true we like our ways as we age and really she is working two full time jobs, she is tired. Having that change in her house will stress her out, it's normal. While she loves you and welcomes you home, the dog is another chore to her.

I will speak as a mom in her position and try to give some ideas. Try: Mom, please give it one month and see how it goes. Make no promises, just make it your quest to make your moms life easier, no contracts. Those are useless with moms, she knows you and wants to trust you on being a adult. Instead give her your goals and plan on how to help her, keep the house clean while she is at work and show her you will pull your share, you sound very willing to do so. Show her you are actively looking for a job and do pay her rent, regardless of what you do at home. That will show her you are indeed a mature and responsible adult. Oh and don't use the word "Nothing" at all to her, she won't believe you and she still wants control of her house and her rountine.

Don't go our to hang with friends everynight, be home and responsible before you start dating and hanging with friends and only do that one or two nights a week. Be a example to your brothers, I don't know thier age but it really doesn't matter.

If you can, introduce the dogs on neutral ground, sick dogs might not accept a young dog to upset thier routine.

I had to move back home twice for a short time when I was younger and I didn't have animals, I had a young daughter. It was hard, I did upset thier routine and did everything I could and did pay them rent. I respected thier rules even though I had been on my own and married. Thier rules were a little stricter than how I lived my life, it was hard but I wanted to keep the peace.

We love our children, I wish you best of luck. I really wish I had a easy answer. I don't know you or your family, so I just spoke as a woman who is most likely older than your mom. Good luck, maybe someone else has more ideas, do let us know how it goes.

[Oliver & Henry's Mum]

Kian, that is excellent advice!!!