New Year's Resolutions for Dogs

[Kristen&Bailey]

Saw this online today.

New Year's Resolutions for Dogs

1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
2. I'll remember that the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
5. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
6. I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
8. I will not throw up in the car.
9. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
10. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
11. "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
12. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
13. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
14. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
15. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
16. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
17. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
18. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
19. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
20. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
21. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
22. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

Any others anyone wants to add? Could be fun extending the list

Happy New Years everyone

[snifferspommom]

Oh that's too funny, Kristen!!

[4CrazyCanines]

Here's one for Diesel ... People's heels are definitely NOT the same as sheep heels. I'll only practice my herding skills on livestock.

[kian]

Love that Kristen! Mine could use 18 and 14! (14 is mostly for Ice)

Let's see:
I will not try to lick the items in the dishwasher as mom is loading it.

[kriswak]

2, 5, 18,19,20 Mostly Miley.

I'll modify Kian's just a bit.

I will not lick the dishes as my mom unloads the dishwasher. (Miley)
I will not lick my mom's armpits when she is trying to sleep. (Miley)
I will not steal the TP Roll out of the bathroom (Miley)
I will not smack my mom's leg more than once when I want a treat (Rocco)

[daschoundsrule]

I love all of these.

[kian]

Kwak I am dying with laughter! Allie has been know to lick OH's armpits as he rest his hands behind his head in bed...too funny.

[Margie-Rex's Mom]

OMG!!! These are too funny!

This one is for Jose...he comes upstairs and sits on the bed as I am getting dressed. When I sit down to put my socks on...

"I will not lick mommy's armpits after she puts deodorant on."

[RubyJeansMom]

Kristen, Those are too funny!
I have one

I will not walk across the keyboard when Mom's on the computer. (Gizzie)

[kian]

[Kristen&Bailey]

Bailey's will be...

"I will finally learn not to drink lots of water and then run around and throw it up"

(We have only been at my parents house for 1/2 a day and he can already spit up water on their carpet and bed)

[Madi P]

Absolutely Hilarious! what a great find Kristen!

There are so many to add!
'I will no longer try to dig (many holes) to China, as my efforts have proved useless!'
'I will not lay under mom's feet as she cooks and cleans because I always get stepped on'

[snifferspommom]

"I will not bark like the world is coming to an end at sounds that apparently only I can hear."

[Phyrie]

For Kiba:

"I will NOT sniff Mom's morning breath as if it's the greatest thing I've ever smelled, because that's just weird!"

"I wil NOT stare and sing/warble at the tennis ball on Dad's table while he's playing computer games. He CAN'T say "No" when I beg to play fetch, and that's just mean. He needs "Me" time too!"

[JaymeK]

These are great!
For benson:

I Will not steal mom's underwear out of her hamper and parade it around the house when she has guests over.
I will not jump on people when I am muddy.
I will not pull my mom over when we are on a walk.
I will not sneeze in my dad's face when he is playing with me on the floor.